


sunsets

by d_v_whelan (orphan_account)



Category: Frühlings Erwachen | Spring Awakening - Frank Wedekind, Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Canon Compliant, Inner Dialogue, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 13:40:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17489069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/d_v_whelan
Summary: ernst thinks about the first time he and hanschen confessed/confirmed their love to each other.





	sunsets

**Author's Note:**

> somewhat of a rewrite/continuation of the vineyard scene in the original play.

The sun hung low in the sky, its golden rays just barely arching out across the meadows and the vineyards to reach the small outcropping that Hanschen and Ernst were sitting under. It was like that every evening they spent there together; Ernst never failed to find the beauty in a sunset. He looked down at his lap where Hanschen was resting his head, his brows furrowed in deep thought as he read in silence. The sunlight turned his hair into a halo, a golden angel radiating elation.

Ernst could remember distinctly the very first time they came there together. It was colder, then, not the warm June night they were currently existing in, but Hanschen had insisted he had to show him something near the vineyards. Ernst was weary of going so far from their houses, but at that point he was always anxiously wishing to spend more time with Hanschen, and so he agreed.

It was just after dinner, and Ernst told his parents he would go to study at the Rilows' house, while Hanschen told his he was heading to the Robels'. Normally they _did_ study at Hanschen's house, but Ernst didn't want to deal with the questioning he would receive if he asked his parents to visit the vineyard instead.

The sun was already dipping in the sky when they reached the point Hanschen was trying to get to, and Ernst was confused. There was nothing at the outcropping that they couldn't have found at the base of the hill or anywhere else in the meadows.

Hanschen retrieved a blanket from his satchel and spread it on the ground, motioning for Ernst to sit beside him. Ernst did so reluctantly; not because he didn't want to sit near Hanschen, but because he was unsure of what was going to happen next. Surely, Hanschen was just being polite and treating him as he treated his other friends.

"What did you want to show me?" Ernst asked quietly, avoiding eye contact as he tried to relax on the blanket.

"You can't tell?" Hanschen asked, a slight laugh in his voice. He waved a hand to the west, to the sun setting behind the mountains, leaving behind its dusk.

"Oh," Ernst said, laughing to mimic him but feeling slightly awkward. "It's...beautiful, surely."

"So are those bells," Hanschen added, referring to the church bells below in town that marked the 6 o'clock hour. 

Ernst listened. He had never taken the time to watch a sunset, but he did enjoy listening to church bells. "When I hear those bells I sometimes see myself as a worthy country pastor. It's silly, perhaps, but to imagine myself with a good-natured wife and a well-filled library…" Those were his dreams in this world, at least. In an ideal world he would have no wife, and in an even more picturesque universe he was too embarrassed to imagine, he could be with Hanschen. "For six days one has to think, and on the seventh opens one's mouth. Maids bring me apples and cookies are brought in. Can you imagine anything more wonderful?" Ernst certainly could, but he wouldn't say it.

Hanschen leaned back on the blanket, propping himself up on his elbow. Ernst looked at him, waiting, watching the smile twitching on his face. "I imagine half-closed eyes and half-opened lips and Turkish draperies. I don't believe in pathos, Ernst. Our elders take on those serene faces you speak of to hide their stupidity. Don't you think they call each other donkeys, just as we do?"

Ernst couldn't help but to laugh at that. "I'm not sure. I never thought about it like that."

"Well, think about this. Imagine the future as a milkshake with sugar and cinnamon. One fellow upsets it and cries, while another stirs it all together and sweats. Why not make it simple and skim off the cream?" Hanschen raised an eyebrow at Ernst. "Or don't you believe that one can learn how?"

Ernst shook his head in confusion. "I'm afraid I don't understand. Are you saying just... let us skim?" He never thought of life as being very simple in general, except inside of his dreams, but Hanschen was an idealist.

"That is what I am saying. When I invited you here today, I hoped that in thirty years you might look back on this evening and find it too beautiful for expression." Hanschen sat up straight again.

Ernst made eye contact with him at last, realizing Hanschen's intentions of bringing him up there. Only in Ernst's most guarded part of his imagination did he ever believe Hanschen could feel that way about him. 

"If I am alone when I recall this, I will weep," Ernst said in nearly a whisper. In thirty years one or both of them would be married and gone, he would assume, and there was nothing Ernst longed to be different in this life more than those circumstances. That was the difference between Ernst and Hanschen; Ernst thought of the future often, and Hanschen reveled in the present.

"Let us not be sad," Hanschen said, the smile returning to his lips. He leaned closer to Ernst, placing his hand on his thigh. "In thirty years you can make fun of it." He came even closer and closed the distance between them, his other hand reaching up to caress Ernst's neck. 

Ernst had never kissed anyone, but when Hanschen touched him, it felt like something he had known how to do forever.

They broke away eventually, some amount of time later that Ernst could not imagine was shorter than a lifetime, and Hanschen was still close, looking deeply into Ernst's face.

Ernst stuttered, shivering against the cold in the air and Hanschen's touch. "I-I thought perhaps when I came with you here today we would only talk."

"So are you sorry, then, this is what transpired?" Hanschen's voice took on a defensive tone, and he nearly pulled away before Ernst grasped his hand and pulled him back.

"No, Hanschen. I know not what I would be doing now had I not met you. I love you, as I have never loved a soul," Ernst said, his voice rising as he went on, desperate.

Hanschen leaned into him once again, the warmth from his body and especially his hands making Ernst forget all about how cold the night was getting, and how dark it was, and how soon his parents would be expecting him home.

"And so you should, Ernst. For I love you too, as the sun loves the valley, and the moon loves the sea." Hanschen kissed him again, ending it much too soon for Ernst's liking. "And perhaps when we look back on this in thirty years, we can make fun of it, instead of weeping." 

"I would like to just remember it fondly, if possible. Let us skim, as you said," Ernst responded, wondering how he could possibly act casual around Hanschen at school ever again.

"Of course. I wonder, then, how long have you loved me?" Hanschen looked at him coyly.

Ernst turned his head, his cheeks getting hot. "Now don't embarrass me, Hanschen."

"I don't mean to." He definitely did mean to make him blush, but Ernst couldn't say he didn't like it. Hanschen continued, "There's just a certain curiosity I find myself with, for we've spent so many evenings together. Clearly I was always going to be the one who had to bring it into the open."

Ernst looked taken aback, but then he realized that he was right; as much as Ernst thought of what the future held, he'd never once even dreamed of telling Hanschen that he loved him.

"I'm not sure how long. But there is something in me that feels as though perhaps I have always loved you, even before I knew you. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a sentimentalist."

"You are a sentimentalist, Ernst, but it is nothing to be ashamed of. You go on and dream about your libraries, and I will dream of milk." They both laughed and in that moment Ernst truly wished he could stay there forever. Hanschen took both his hands in his and looked to the meadow, then back at Ernst. "Is not everything so very beautiful this evening?"

Ernst came back to the present when he felt Hanschen's hand interlock with his own. He looked down and saw that he was still reading, lost in thought but still intertwined with Ernst's presence. Ernst could not help but smile and grasp his hand tighter. Yes, everything was so very beautiful, there, in that moment.


End file.
